I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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