pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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