Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just invented taco cereal.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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