i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
