Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
