i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
