mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
