I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
