now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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