It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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