She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
