the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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