Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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