the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
