in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
