I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
