looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
