Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
