His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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