well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
