I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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