Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
