I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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