guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
