I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet