cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
