mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can I color on your dick again?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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