An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize