so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
