Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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