worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
