The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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