They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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