This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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