I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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