You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
