he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
