Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
