Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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