I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
