Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
