we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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