Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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