the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
