thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
