OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
