Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who died my cat blue again?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
