Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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