why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
