you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
