no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
