i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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