bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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