This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
