i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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