you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Randomize
