I'm gonna have a badass scar
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
