My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
