don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
