umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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