everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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