i need an iv and a liver transplant
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
