A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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