Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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