Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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