when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
