I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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