he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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