my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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