Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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