literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
