The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Terrible idea I love it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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