The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
