I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
