I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
