she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
