"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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